normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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