I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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