i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We left the knife in your bed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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