I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
