her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am naked and annoyed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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