Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
