i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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