What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
