I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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