please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
