Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
