You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
