Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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