All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
