do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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