Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
