My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize