I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
