its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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