so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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