Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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