If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
