I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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