im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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