I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
