Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm really busy with my period
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