Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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