i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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