Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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