she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Girls should come with a carfax report
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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