the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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