Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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