You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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