Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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