Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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