Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
