Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
