i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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