I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
