i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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