we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
