I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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