just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
