i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
