I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ladies don't puke and tell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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