I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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