i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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