He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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