Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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