did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
