Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
