OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
