I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
