Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
