you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and she was petting her beer can
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
