yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
