So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
