when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
