I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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