"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize