so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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