dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
