I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
