Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
