my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
