I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
even my farts smell like vagina
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
