I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
