how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
