Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
