We got so high we made milksteak
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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