You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
