Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
