Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
